Commodore 64 Scene Diskmags Assortment/TV_Toilet_1_1986-10-04_Graham_Marsh.d64/the telly toilet

Commodore BASIC | 2023-02-26 | 11KB | 319 lines

10 poke 53280,6:poke 53281,2:print"[147]";
15 print"[212][200][197] [212][214] [212][207][201][204][197][212]...issue one."
20 print""
25 print"[196]evised and written by [199]raham [205]arsh, aka";
30 print"[212]he [205]ighty [194]ogg, [209]uietman, [199][205]3, or any"
35 print"other name [201] may have made up."
40 print""
45 print"                  [214][207][212][197]!"
49 gosub2000
50 poke 53280,4:poke 53281,8:print"[147]";
55 print"[158][212][200][197] [212][197][204][197][214][201][211][201][207][206] [212][207][201][204][197][212].....4th [207]ct 1986"
60 print"[163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163][163]"
65 print"[207] [215][200][197][210][197] [196][201][196] [217][207][213] [199][197][212] [212][200][193][212] [215][201][199]?"
70 print"[183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183][183]"
75 print"[193]lthough episode 5 is with us, we at the";
80 print"[212]oilet had luckily managed to avoid the"
85 print"new series of [196]octor [215]ho. [200]owever, our"
90 print"intrepid reporter [197]ric [205]uldoon had a"
95 print"slight accident with the [212][214] controls the";
100 print"other day, and unfortunately tuned into"
105 print"[196]octor [215]hat. [200]e discovered some amazing"
110 print"facts about this popular series, which"
115 print"can be found in the authentic extract"
120 print"that follows....."
125 print""
130 print"[196][215]:'[207]h no, we're heading towards some"
135 print"unknown planet! [212]he flangelsnorker is"
140 print"malpracticing and we are out of control!";
145 print"[198]etch the [217]oopsnimblingdruffunt device,"
150 print"[204]ola, you gorgeous assistant of mine or"
155 print"whatever your name is this series'"
160 print""
165 print"[204]ola: '[207]h yeah cuytanly [196]acter, is it"
170 print"this blue waably thing here?'"
174 gosub2000
175 poke 53280,8:poke 53281,4:print"[147]";
180 print"[158][196][215]: '[217]es [204]ayla, that's it. [206]ow [201]'ll just";
185 print"..insert...it...like [212][200][201][211]- [207]h no. [207][200] [206][207].";
190 print"[201] can see a fluctuation on my dremblook"
195 print"display authorisation calibrasniggling"
200 print"undulationactivating thingy switch, we"
205 print"are going to crash! we're going to [196][201][197]."
210 print"[193][193][193][210][210][199][199][199][200][200][200][200]...[193][193][193][193][210][210][210][199][199][199][199][200][200][200][200]..[193][193][193][210][210][199][199]-";
215 print""
220 print"[204]oola: '[196]octor, calm yourself! [215]e won't"
225 print"die, we'll miraculously survive this"
230 print"obviously inescapable situation due to"
235 print"some freak miscalculation on your part"
240 print"when you set the time-dial earlier'"
245 print""
250 print"[196][215]: '[207]f course! [211]orry [204]ela, [201] was over-"
255 print"acting a bit. [206]ow back to the script-"
260 print"[193][193][193][210][210][199][199][199][200][200][200][200] [193][193][193][210][210][210][199][199][199][200][200][200]- [204][207][207][203]!'"
265 print""
270 print"[204]: 'where?'"
275 print""
280 print"[196][215]: '[212]here! [207]n that big television over"
285 print"there! [201]t's a planet! [215]ell [201] never'"
289 gosub2000
290 poke 53280,8:poke 53281,4:print"[147]";
295 print"l: '[217]ou're right! [194]ut doctor, may [201]"
300 print"remind you that we are heading toward"
305 print"that planet at a speed of approximately"
310 print"7.0003425516625433651744 light years"
315 print"per second? [194]ut not to worry, if we get"
320 print"killed that'll be the end of the series,";
325 print"why on earth the audience get worked up"
330 print"about such an obvious fact [201]'ll never"
335 print"know. [198]ancy a cup of tea?'"
340 print""
345 print"[196][215]: 'yes please, milk, seventeen lumps.'";
350 print""
355 print""
360 print"          *** [196][213][204][204] [195][204][193][206][199] ***"
365 print""
370 print""
375 print"[196][215]: '[207]ops, we've hurtled into the ground";
380 print"at a phenominal speed, but yes- we seem"
385 print"to be ok. [193]re you ok [204]en?'"
390 print""
395 print"[204]: '[206]o, otherwise [201] wouldn't be acting"
400 print"in this dross, but it's better than"
405 print"doing washing powder adverts'"
409 gosub2000
410 poke 53280,9:poke 53281,6:print"[147]";
415 print"[196][215]: 'well, let's step outside....[200]mm,"
420 print"the atmosphere doesn't seem to contain"
425 print"any of the lethal chemicals common to"
430 print"most planets in the universe. [211]trangely"
435 print"the atmosphere is absolutely identical"
440 print"to that of [197]arths. [215]ell [201] never.'"
445 print""
450 print"[204]: '[195]ould be because we're actually in"
455 print"[211]tepney [204]ime quarry doctor.'"
460 print""
465 print"[196][215]: '[211]hut up, the audience really think"
470 print"we're on the [208]lanet [203]rrrsnhiyjjj'"
475 print""
480 print"[204]: '[204]ook, [193]liens! [196]uck behind this handy";
485 print"boulder here [196]octor, maybe we can hear"
490 print"what they're saying'"
495 print""
500 print"[193]lien1: '[204]ook [196]rytrlang, if you call my"
505 print"mother a fat old cow [207][206][197] more time, [201]'ll";
510 print"start an intergalactic war that no-one"
515 print"will survive.'"
520 print""
525 print"[193]lien2: '[200]aha. moo moo'"
529 gosub2000
530 poke 53280,9:poke 53281,6:print"[147]";
535 print"[193]1: '[210]ight, [201] warned you. [201]'m going to"
540 print"tell my mother, then [201]'m going to inform";
545 print"[199]eneral [199]liz'"
550 print""
555 print"[204]: '[207]h no doctor! [193] [215]ar! [215]hat can we do"
560 print"to help?'"
565 print""
570 print"[196][215]: '[201] know. [201]f we nip into that cave"
575 print"entrance, doubtless it'll lead us into a";
580 print"giant network of tunnels, where we can"
585 print"spend the rest of this episode niftily"
590 print"avoiding high-energy laser beams and"
595 print"cleverly managing to escape from the"
600 print"two hundred alien guards'"
605 print""
610 print"[204]: '[199]ood thinking [196]octor.'"
615 print""
620 print"[196][215]: '[206]o, just predictable scripts [214]era.'";
625 print""
630 print""
635 print"  *** [197][206][196] [207][198] [197][208][201][211][207][196][197] [197][201][199][200][212][217]-[211][197][214][197][206] ***"
639 gosub2000
640 poke 53280,7:poke 53281,7:print"[147]";
645 print"[144][193][206][196] [206][207][215] [201][212][211] [212][201][205][197] [198][207][210] '[197][205][194][193][210][210][193][211][211][201][206][199] [196][193][212][197]'";
650 print"with that luscious bundle of fun, [195][201][204][204][217]"
655 print"[194][204][193][195][203]!!!"
660 print""
665 print" '[207]h yeah, allo luvs, worra luvly night"
670 print"we're gunner ave, we've gorra lorra"
675 print"luvly people lined up for yas, who are"
680 print"all ready forran [197][205][194][193][210][210][193][211][211][201][206][199] [196][193][212][197]. [211]o"
685 print"let's go straight inter it. [212]his is"
690 print"[196][201][210][203], say ello luvvy'"
695 print""
700 print" '[200]i fans' (looks directly into camera)"
705 print""
710 print" '[215]orra nandsome feller ee is eh girls?"
715 print"and ere are the luvly lasses oo are"
720 print"gunner get the chance to have it of- to"
725 print"have an [197][205][194][193][210][210][193][211][211][201][206][199] [196][193][212][197] with the luvly";
730 print"andsome [196]irk ere. now. [198]irst in line is"
735 print"[195][197][195][201][204][201][193] [208][210][201][205]&[208][210][207][208][197][210]. [211]he's a chartered"
740 print"accountant in [204]ondon, isn't she a luvly"
745 print"girl all yoo folks at ome? [206]ext is"
750 print"[212][210][193][195][197][217] [210][201][199][200][212][211][204][193][199], she's an, er, 'night-"
755 print"shift worker' from [211]oho, int she luvly?'";
759 gosub2000
760 poke 53280,7:poke 53281,7:print"[147]";
765 print"[144][193]nd last, is [196][207][210][201][211] [208][204][193][201][206], whos a brick-"
770 print"layer and part-time wrestler from [200]ull."
775 print"[215]orra lorra luvly lasses, [201] wonder [207]o"
780 print"[196]irk ere will pick? [194]et a quid it won't"
785 print"be [196]oris, but [201] [195][207][213][204][196] be wrong! [206]ah then";
790 print"[196]irk, ask em your first question:'"
795 print""
800 print"'[215]ell, ok, [195]ecilia: [215]hat would you do if";
805 print"[201] turned up for our date, totally naked,";
810 print"apart from the large sack [201] need to"
815 print"carry my enormous genitals?'"
820 print""
825 print" '[215]ell [196]irk, [201]'d er say, you- you sexy-"
830 print"you sexy b- can you raise the card a"
835 print"bit [201] can't- that's better- [201]'d say [207][207][200]"
840 print"you sexy beast, jump into bed with me'"
845 print""
850 print"  [211][208][207][206][212][193][206][197][207][213][211] [204][193][213][199][200][211] [193][206][196] [215][200][207][207][208][211] [198][210][207][205]"
855 print" [193][213][196][201][197][206][195][197]. [205][193][206] [195][193][210][210][217][201][206][199] [204][193][210][199][197] [211][201][199][206] [201][211]"
860 print"     [211][197][197][206] [197][216][201][212][201][206][199] [212][207] [195][193][205][197][210][193] [204][197][198][212]."
865 print""
870 print" [193]t this point our reporter had to leave";
875 print"the room to be violently sick. [200]owever-"
879 gosub2000
880 poke 53280,7:poke 53281,7:print"[147]";
885 print"[144][200]e did manage to rejoin the program at"
890 print"the [205]ost [197]mbarrassing [208]art of [193]ll:"
895 print""
900 print" '[211]o folks, [196]irk picked [196]oris as is [196]ate";
905 print"for tonight, what a surprise that was eh";
910 print"well [201] never did, and now we're gonna"
915 print"show him just what he missed! [195]ome on"
920 print"round [195][197][195][201][204][201][193]!"
925 print""
930 print" [195]ecilia comes from back of screen, dirk";
935 print"has expression of '[207]h god look what [201]'ve";
940 print"missed out on there'."
945 print""
950 print" '[195]ome on round [212][210][193][195][197][217]'"
955 print""
960 print" [212]racey stumbles from behind screen on"
965 print"stilettoes, made up to the eyeballs."
970 print"[196]irk is aghast, has expression of 'oh no";
975 print"she's gorgeous'"
980 print""
985 print" [212][197][206][211][201][207][206] [194][213][201][204][196][211]. [193][213][196][201][197][206][195][197] [203][206][207][215] [200][197]'[211] [199][207][212]"
990 print" [212][200][197] [213][199][204][217] [207][206][197]. [204][193][213][199][200][212][197][210]. [195][207][205][197] [207][206] [195][201][204][204][217]!"
995 print"        [215][197] [215][193][206][212] [212][207] [211][197][197] [200][201][211] [198][193][195][197]!"
999 gosub2000
1000 poke 53280,7:poke 53281,7:print"[147]";
1005 print"[144][196][207][210][201][211] lurches from behind screen, black"
1010 print"teeth er, beaming. [196]irk has amazing look";
1015 print"of horror on face. [201]t's a treat to see"
1020 print"him squirm [201] can tell you. [193]udience are"
1025 print"now laughing merrily, because [200]e's [199]ot"
1030 print"[212]he [213]gly [207]ne, poor old [196]irk, despite the";
1035 print"fact she had the only personality in"
1040 print"sight, she gets laughed at for not being";
1045 print"a [205]onroe lookalike. [207]ops sorry, getting"
1050 print"carried away, on with the sh....ow"
1055 print""
1060 print" '[193]n now folks, we're gunner see ow [196]ave";
1065 print"and [197]thel gorron from las week! [200]ere"
1070 print"they are! [211]o tellers [197]thel, what was ee"
1075 print"like?'"
1080 print""
1085 print"[197]:'[215]ell, for a start, he thought he was"
1090 print"sooo gorgeous, [201] only managed to get a"
1095 print"word in edgeways when he went to the"
1100 print"toilet. [200]is breath smelled, he lunged"
1105 print"frequently at my cleavage, salivating"
1110 print"onto my lap, and called me 'baby'  all"
1115 print"the time, saying how nice his bed was'"
1119 gosub2000
1120 poke 53280,7:poke 53281,7:print"[147]";
1125 print"[144][196]: '[200][213][200]! [211]he was so f-  she was so f-"
1130 print"so f- sorry [201] can't read that could you-";
1135 print"thanks- she was so frigid, all [201] wanted"
1140 print"was a jolly good frolic, naked amongst"
1145 print"a heap of mayonnaise, rubbing and-'"
1150 print""
1155 print" '[217]er well ta ducks, you didn't seem to"
1160 print"get along all that well did yas? [193]nyway,";
1165 print"it's the end of the show now-'"
1170 print""
1175 print" ([193] cheer is heard from row 4 in the"
1180 print" audience. [193] muffled shotgun blast is"
1185 print" heard, followed by a dull thud.)"
1190 print""
1195 print"'- so [201]'ll wish yas all a good weekend,"
1200 print"and ope yas'll be tunin in next week"
1205 print"forranuther [197][205][194][193][210][210][193][211][211][201][206][199] [196][193][212][197]!!! [212][210][193][193][193]"
1210 print"[204][207][214][211]! [212][210][193][193][193][193][193][193][193]!' (waves arms madly)"
1215 print""
1220 print" [205][193][206] [193][208][208][197][193][210][211] [198][210][207][205] [195][193][205][197][210][193] [204][197][198][212] [200][207][204][196][201][206][199]"
1225 print"[204][193][210][199][197] [211][201][199][206]. [210][193][201][211][197][211] [211][201][199][206]. [193][213][196][201][197][206][195][197] [211][212][193][210][212]"
1230 print"[212][207] [195][204][193][208] [193][206][196] [195][200][197][197][210] [211][208][207][206][212][193][206][197][207][213][211][204][217]. [210][207][204][204]"
1235 print"[195][210][197][196][201][212][211]. [195][213][197] [193][196][214][197][210][212][211]. [212][213][210][206] [207][198][198] [212][214]."
1239 gosub2000
1240 poke 53280,8:poke 53281,8:print"[147]";
1245 print"[144][193]nd now it's time for [205][201][196][196][204][197]-[193][199][197][196] [211][201][212][195][207][205]";
1250 print"probably with [193]nton [210]odgers and [198]elicity";
1255 print"[203]endal, with [193]nnie [199]it as the typical"
1260 print"[205]other-in-law."
1265 print" [211]cene is neat semi-detached in [195]roydon,";
1270 print"typical middle-aged family, two teenage"
1275 print"kids, dog, houseproud wife, wisecracking";
1280 print"husband...."
1285 print""
1290 print" '[215]ell hi [195]ynthia, what's for dinner?'"
1295 print""
1300 print" '[200]i [210]oger, roast pork today love'"
1305 print""
1310 print" [211][213][196][196][197][206] [194][213][210][211][212] [207][198] [204][193][213][199][200][212][197][210] [198][210][207][205] [193][213][196][201][197][206][195][197]"
1315 print""
1320 print"  '[212]hat sounds scrummo, [201] hope you will"
1325 print"not forget the gravy this time [195]ynthia'"
1330 print""
1335 print"  [212][197][206] [211][197][195][207][206][196][211] [207][198] [200][217][211][212][197][210][201][195][193][204] [204][193][213][199][200][212][197][210]"
1340 print""
1345 print" '[207]oh [210]oger, you are a one. [196]id you"
1350 print"remember to get the fruit from [205]r [199]rumpy";
1355 print"the greengrocer?'"
1359 gosub2000
1360 poke 53280,8:poke 53281,8:print"[147]";
1365 print" [144]'[217]es [201] did dear, here, would you like"
1370 print"to see my nuts?'"
1375 print""
1380 print" [212][215][197][206][212][217] [211][197][195][207][206][196][211] [207][198] [200][217][211][212][197][210][201][195][193][204] [204][193][213][199][200][212][197][210]"
1385 print""
1390 print" '[206]ot [212][200][207][211][197] you silly girl, [201] meant the"
1395 print"nuts [201] got from [205]r [199]rumpy!'"
1400 print""
1405 print" [212][200][210][197][197] [205][201][206][213][212][197][211] [207][198] [200][217][211][212][197][210][201][195][193][204] [204][193][213][199][200][212][197][210]"
1410 print""
1415 print" '[211]orry [210]oger, but the scriptwriter ran"
1420 print"out of ideas and decided to fall back on";
1425 print"the old double entendre routine'"
1430 print""
1435 print" '[217]es [195]ynthia. [207]h no! [217]our sister is"
1440 print"coming down the drive! [209]uick! [201]f she"
1445 print"sees the size of my nuts she'll faint!'"
1450 print""
1455 print" '[205]r [199]rumpy's nuts [210]oger?'"
1460 print""
1465 print" '[206]o! [205]y testicles, you know what a"
1470 print"raving nympho she is!!'"
1475 print""
1480 print"  [212][197][206] [205][201][206][213][212][197][211] [207][198] [204][193][213][199][200][212][197][210]. [210][207][204][204] [195][210][197][196][201][212][211]"
1484 gosub2000
1485 poke 53280,9:poke 53281,9:print"[147]";
1490 print""
1495 print""
1500 print""
1505 print""
1510 print"               [212][200][197] [197][206][196]"
1519 gosub2000:run
2000 print"press a key...";
2001 getz$:ifz$=""then2001
2002 return